Asking the Question: Are you Thinking about Suicide?
If you recognize warning signs in a friend, it is important to determine if they are thinking about or planning suicide. The only way you can do this is to ask them directly: are you thinking about suicide?
Asking someone if they are thinking about suicide can be difficult. You may feel anxious or nervous or you may not want to ask the question at all just in case your friend says yes.
You might also worry that if you ask your friend about suicide, they will become suicidal. However, asking the question can be the first step in getting help for your friend because now they have “permission” to talk about their feelings.
It takes courage and caring to ask someone this question. If you are too anxious to approach your friend by yourself, ask your parents, an older sibling or friend, or another trusted adult to help you.
You may want to begin a conversation with your friend by telling them you have noticed something seems to be wrong and you are concerned. When you are ready: stay calm, listen actively, and do not judge your friend or what they may tell you.
Ask these three questions:
- Are you thinking of suicide?
- Do you have a plan?
- Do you have a way to do it?
If your friend answers yes to all three of these questions, get help immediately.
Sometimes your friend may deny thoughts of suicide or they may become angry. Trust your feelings – don’t give up if you really believe something is wrong. You may need to ask more than once. Your friend may not be willing to disclose anything until they are sure you are sincere.
If your friend is thinking about suicide, do not agree to keep their thoughts secret and do not try to help them all by yourself. Reassure your friend help is available and that asking for help with their problems is a sign of strength. Many people can help including your family and friends, guidance counsellors, teachers, coaches, crisis line counselors, a family doctor, or your clergy person.
Do not forget to look after yourself, practice self-care. Learning that your friend is suicidal and trying to help them can be very stressful.