Resistance to Counselling
Your child in crisis may resist looking for or accepting
help.
It may be comforting to know that a teenager who is experiencing
emotional or mental health problems will often turn to family members or
friends for help and support. There are some, though, who will not look for
help, thinking they may be able to solve their problems on their own. But
when your child's problems become unmanageable and they won't look or accept
help, what do you do?
It might help you, as a parent, to understand why your child is resisting
getting the help they need. Some reasons include:
- They may be denying they are suicidal or not recognize they have a
problem.
- They know of friends who have not had good experiences with counselling.
- They may not understand how therapy works - the process, goals and
desired outcomes of counselling.
- They may be worried about their privacy and having confidentiality
maintained.
- They may feel shame and stigma around mental health issues.
- They may fear they will be blamed for their problems.
- Their negative thoughts may be making it impossible to see that positive
change can happen.
Adolescence is a chaotic time and even though your child is struggling to
move toward independence, he/she will need your guidance and suppport more
than you know. Sometimes issues become too difficult to work out within the
family and you may need to reach out for help. If your child resists going
outside for help there are many things you can do as a parent to show the
benefits of getting help.
Examine your attitude ... toward mental illness, suicide and
looking for help. Ask yourself, "Do I value counselling?", "Do I show my
child that reaching out for help is a good thing?".
Model help-seeking behaviours - If your child sees you reaching
out for help with your problems they will see outside support as a way to
help them cope too.
Research community services - Look for agencies and resources that
offer counselling and support for suicide prevention, emotional and mental
disorders or substance abuse.
Talk with your child ... about her feelings and getting
counselling. Ask her what she thinks will happen in a counselling session,
what she might gain from getting help. Use this time to address any
misconceptions she might have.
Review some goals of counselling - these might include enhancing
problem-solving and coping skills, learning how to express feelings, and developing
positive self-image and self-esteem. You might explain that the counsellor
will help her to find her own solutions and identify her strengths.
Respect your child's privacy - as a parent you are going to be
concerned and try to get details about what is being discussed in
counselling. You can show your concern and support by asking how the
counselling is going. Let your child decide the level of detail that he
reveals to you. Your child also needs to know that a counsellor has a legal
obligation to notify you if they speak about harming themselves or others.
Find the 'right' outside help - finding a counsellor who 'feels'
right to your child may take some time and effort. Look for someone who
specializes in adolescent mental health. Other sources of help include your
family doctor, a social worker, school guidance counsellor, a member of the
clergy.
Resistance to Counselling
Your child in crisis may resist looking for or accepting
help.
It may be comforting to know that a teenager who is experiencing
emotional or mental health problems will often turn to family members or
friends for help and support. There are some, though, who will not look for
help, thinking they may be able to solve their problems on their own. But
when your child's problems become unmanageable and they won't look or accept
help, what do you do?
It might help you, as a parent, to understand why your child is resisting
getting the help they need. Some reasons include:
- They may be denying they are suicidal or not recognize they have a
problem.
- They know of friends who have not had good experiences with counselling.
- They may not understand how therapy works - the process, goals and
desired outcomes of counselling.
- They may be worried about their privacy and having confidentiality
maintained.
- They may feel shame and stigma around mental health issues.
- They may fear they will be blamed for their problems.
- Their negative thoughts may be making it impossible to see that positive
change can happen.
Adolescence is a chaotic time and even though your child is struggling to
move toward independence, he/she will need your guidance and suppport more
than you know. Sometimes issues become too difficult to work out within the
family and you may need to reach out for help. If your child resists going
outside for help there are many things you can do as a parent to show the
benefits of getting help.
Examine your attitude ... toward mental illness, suicide and
looking for help. Ask yourself, "Do I value counselling?", "Do I show my
child that reaching out for help is a good thing?".
Model help-seeking behaviours - If your child sees you reaching
out for help with your problems they will see outside support as a way to
help them cope too.
Research community services - Look for agencies and resources that
offer counselling and support for suicide prevention, emotional and mental
disorders or substance abuse.
Talk with your child ... about her feelings and getting
counselling. Ask her what she thinks will happen in a counselling session,
what she might gain from getting help. Use this time to address any
misconceptions she might have.
Review some goals of counselling - these might include enhancing
problem-solving and coping skills, learning how to express feelings, and developing
positive self-image and self-esteem. You might explain that the counsellor
will help her to find her own solutions and identify her strengths.
Respect your child's privacy - as a parent you are going to be
concerned and try to get details about what is being discussed in
counselling. You can show your concern and support by asking how the
counselling is going. Let your child decide the level of detail that he
reveals to you. Your child also needs to know that a counsellor has a legal
obligation to notify you if they speak about harming themselves or others.
Find the 'right' outside help - finding a counsellor who 'feels'
right to your child may take some time and effort. Look for someone who
specializes in adolescent mental health. Other sources of help include your
family doctor, a social worker, school guidance counsellor, a member of the
clergy.