Bereavement Issues for Parents
The suicide of a child may be one of the most devastating
events a parent can experience.
For parents who have been bereaved…
The sudden loss of a child is a shocking and traumatic event that will
impact you and your family in a number of ways. It is not unusual to feel
overwhelmed by sorrow, physically ill and angry. You may also experience
disbelief, shock, feelings of failure, loss of self esteem, a sense of
inadequacy, fear for other children, and guilt.
Grieving is a long process, a journey that is best traveled with people
who support you. Remember that you will heal and, with time, the pain of
your loss will lessen.
Suggestions for coping
• Seek and accept support from trusted friends, family, colleagues and
the community.
• Join a grief support group. This will reduce your feelings of being
alone and isolated.
• Allow yourself time for reflection and healing. Remember that grieving
takes time.
• Practice self-care: physical activity, enough sleep and proper
nutrition will help you cope with the work of grief.
• Try to be open about the suicide. This will give others permission to
talk about your loss. Keeping suicide a secret can add to the burden of
shame some survivors may feel.
• Seek out information on suicide and grief.
For parents helping siblings and friends of the deceased…
Tell the truth
As a parent you may be tempted to hide the truth from your other
children. However, it is important to be honest with your children and their
friends because lying about the cause of death will create an atmosphere of
mistrust, fear, and loneliness. They may not need or want to know all the
details, especially if they are very young.
Children and youth will experience a range of emotions after the death of
a sibling or a close friend, similar to the feelings you may have. However,
they may not express their feelings in the same way as an adult. Your
children may also revisit their grief as they mature and have new responses
to, or new questions about the suicide at different times in their lives.
Strategies to help
• Remember that you cannot take away the loss, but you can assist your
children and their friends as they explore and express their grief.
• Understand and make allowances for the developmental level and maturity
of your children.
• Recognize that your children’s assumptions about control and their
personal safety may be challenged or lost.
• Respect differences in grieving. Young people cannot control where,
when or how they will be affected by their grief.
• Answer questions honestly, providing factual information about suicide.
• Talk about the person who died. Remembering the person who has died is
a part of the healing journey. Sharing memories will give others permission
to talk about their thoughts and feelings.
• Get back to normal routines as soon as possible.
• Seek professional help if you are concerned or if grief is interfering
with activities of daily living over a long period.
Returning to school
Going back to school after a death in the family or the death of a friend
can be difficult. Other students, teachers and school staff may not know how
to react or may act inappropriately. As a parent you can assist your child’s
return to school.
Contact the school principal and ask for a meeting that also includes the
guidance counsellor and your child’s teachers. Make sure your child is
present and helps to plan the return to school. Things to accomplish in the
meeting include:
• Sensitizing school staff and administrators to your child’s loss.
• Working together to plan a safe return for your child and, when
necessary, their friends.
• Developing strategies to help your child cope if they begin to feel
overwhelmed by their loss or their emotions. These might include asking for
peer support, flexible homework schedules, and a safe place where they can
express their grief.
Bereavement Issues for Parents
The suicide of a child may be one of the most devastating
events a parent can experience.
For parents who have been bereaved…
The sudden loss of a child is a shocking and traumatic event that will
impact you and your family in a number of ways. It is not unusual to feel
overwhelmed by sorrow, physically ill and angry. You may also experience
disbelief, shock, feelings of failure, loss of self esteem, a sense of
inadequacy, fear for other children, and guilt.
Grieving is a long process, a journey that is best traveled with people
who support you. Remember that you will heal and, with time, the pain of
your loss will lessen.
Suggestions for coping
• Seek and accept support from trusted friends, family, colleagues and
the community.
• Join a grief support group. This will reduce your feelings of being
alone and isolated.
• Allow yourself time for reflection and healing. Remember that grieving
takes time.
• Practice self-care: physical activity, enough sleep and proper
nutrition will help you cope with the work of grief.
• Try to be open about the suicide. This will give others permission to
talk about your loss. Keeping suicide a secret can add to the burden of
shame some survivors may feel.
• Seek out information on suicide and grief.
For parents helping siblings and friends of the deceased…
Tell the truth
As a parent you may be tempted to hide the truth from your other
children. However, it is important to be honest with your children and their
friends because lying about the cause of death will create an atmosphere of
mistrust, fear, and loneliness. They may not need or want to know all the
details, especially if they are very young.
Children and youth will experience a range of emotions after the death of
a sibling or a close friend, similar to the feelings you may have. However,
they may not express their feelings in the same way as an adult. Your
children may also revisit their grief as they mature and have new responses
to, or new questions about the suicide at different times in their lives.
Strategies to help
• Remember that you cannot take away the loss, but you can assist your
children and their friends as they explore and express their grief.
• Understand and make allowances for the developmental level and maturity
of your children.
• Recognize that your children’s assumptions about control and their
personal safety may be challenged or lost.
• Respect differences in grieving. Young people cannot control where,
when or how they will be affected by their grief.
• Answer questions honestly, providing factual information about suicide.
• Talk about the person who died. Remembering the person who has died is
a part of the healing journey. Sharing memories will give others permission
to talk about their thoughts and feelings.
• Get back to normal routines as soon as possible.
• Seek professional help if you are concerned or if grief is interfering
with activities of daily living over a long period.
Returning to school
Going back to school after a death in the family or the death of a friend
can be difficult. Other students, teachers and school staff may not know how
to react or may act inappropriately. As a parent you can assist your child’s
return to school.
Contact the school principal and ask for a meeting that also includes the
guidance counsellor and your child’s teachers. Make sure your child is
present and helps to plan the return to school. Things to accomplish in the
meeting include:
• Sensitizing school staff and administrators to your child’s loss.
• Working together to plan a safe return for your child and, when
necessary, their friends.
• Developing strategies to help your child cope if they begin to feel
overwhelmed by their loss or their emotions. These might include asking for
peer support, flexible homework schedules, and a safe place where they can
express their grief.